Swimwear Mysteries

We went to the beach today. It was boiling hot here, and there’s no end to the heat in sight.

Anyway, I’ve always been a bit of a swimwear conservative. You see, as a child/teenager, I swam competitively, which meant that most of my young swimming years were swum in one piece racing style swimwear. And even when I was swimming for leisure, I didn’t really feel comfortable in anything else.

My reasoning went something like:

“If you swim fast in a bikini, it’ll probably fall off.”

“If you bodysurf in a bikini, it’ll probably fall off.”

“If you dive in a bikini, it’ll probably fall off.”

As I’ve got older, I’ve not really felt a need to change my swimwear preferences, as I’m still comfortable in a one piece, with a good action back so that if I feel like it, I can swim without anything coming adrift. Mind you, since having a melanoma removed eighteen months ago, I also make sure there’s a lot of sunscreen on board, and a swimming shirt, and I rather like the longer leg one pieces, which allow lots of leg movement, as well as some extra sun safety.

Anyway, back to the beach today. Clearly I haven’t been around swimwear enough lately, as while I was sitting on the beach just watching the waves, I realised that swimwear trends have changed again. Apparently women now wear bikini bottoms that cover only half their buttocks. They’re not g-strings, but they’re not full coverage. They sit in an uncomfortable permanent wedgie type position somewhere in between.

It was hard to miss. There were all these young women standing with their backs to the beach, butt cheeks waving in the breeze, with their hands picking at their bikini bottoms in a vain attempt to pull the nonexistent fabric down and out of what can only be referred to as the butt crack.

Look, I’m OK with women wearing whatever they want, but today I just couldn’t understand why anyone would want to wear something that was so obviously uncomfortable. (And if they weren’t uncomfortable, then there would have been no need for the constant picking.)

Fashion choices often baffle me. I’ve never really understood high heels either. I’m certainly no fashion plate. I usually choose comfort and utility over pretty.

But in this case, apart from them being uncomfortable, I can’t imagine actually swimming in something that threatens to vanish into my nether regions every few seconds.

And of course, there’s the men. Like always, they were wearing board shots almost universally. I mean, if swimwear that goes up your bottom was actually comfortable and amazingly fit for purpose, then I’m sure that they’d be all over wearing it.

All I can conclude is that either some women enjoy being uncomfortable in swimwear, or they actually do feel comfortable in swimwear that provides a permanent wedgie, or they’ve been duped by the fashion industry.

Weird post, I know, but why? Just why? Perhaps someone can enlighten me…

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